As usual, its been a busy week. Thanks to a recent negligence of emails, phone calls and blogs I actually started to receive concerned messages from friends back home. So my apologies to everyone - please don't worry, everything is ok. As I slowly excavate myself from the avalanche of overdue projects, miscellaneous paperwork, communication, etc that has overrun my desk I thought it might be a good idea to post an update.
The truth is, its been a strange past three weeks. Someone very important to me (my uncle) passed away, I didn't have chance to say goodbye, and I've been left with a vast feeling of loss and lack of closure. I've been in a weird (sad) place since then and its been difficult for me to focus and get things done. My friends in Japan have been amazing and incredibly patient. Fortunately I haven't had to spend too much time alone commiserating in my own thoughts (and those of you who know me best will surely agree this is a good thing as my m.o. is to think, think, and over-think myself to an absurd point of anxiety about every little possible thing).
So, there you have it.
Well, maybe I'm shocked, maybe upset, or maybe just a little bit bored and in need of some new challenge...but of late I've had the sensation I'm just kind of drifting from one day to the next without any real "master plan". I have no idea where I'm going to be in two years - or ten years - from now; but more importantly, I'm not even sure about what direction I want to head in. I suspect there's a lesson I might learn from this state of affairs (I've always been that goal-setting, action-oriented, short-term/long-term plan architect type). There is undoubtedly value to biding one's time, and its really a gift to have the opportunity for this kind of respite. It just occurs to me that while there are a great many things I enjoy doing there is no longer any single thing/issue that I feel truly passionate about; while there are a great many people I care about and love, there isn't really anybody to whom I am "connected" in any profoundly meaningful way (I'm talking connections on a great magnitude, for example being a factor in someone's major life decisions); and while I continue to move forward towards the next thing - still positive I'm in the right place for now - I realize I've set into motion a constellation of events that will have consequences I can't entirely control.
Hmmm, I can't decide if this is true freedom and independence or if I have regressed into some kind of pitiful, lost-and-aimlessly-wandering creature! (*´ο`*)
Thankfully, things in every day life seem to be going extremely well. My Japanese study progresses (however, to what degree of success remains inconclusive) and this week I even started studying Russian too (I'm using a book I purchased in Singapore). Also, I've been practicing boxing with a friend from Misaki Town (my arms really hurt and I'm convinced my feet are made of lead).
But the most exciting thing I've got going on is this: K, Andy, Rae and I are heading to Osaka (I leave tomorrow) for a long weekend of...whatever fate throws at us. And Thursday Andy and I will see the Nine Inch Nails concert.
Thats right, me and the gals, Nine Inch Nails, Osaka night-life...what more can I ask for?
I'll keep you posted!
The truth is, its been a strange past three weeks. Someone very important to me (my uncle) passed away, I didn't have chance to say goodbye, and I've been left with a vast feeling of loss and lack of closure. I've been in a weird (sad) place since then and its been difficult for me to focus and get things done. My friends in Japan have been amazing and incredibly patient. Fortunately I haven't had to spend too much time alone commiserating in my own thoughts (and those of you who know me best will surely agree this is a good thing as my m.o. is to think, think, and over-think myself to an absurd point of anxiety about every little possible thing).
So, there you have it.
Well, maybe I'm shocked, maybe upset, or maybe just a little bit bored and in need of some new challenge...but of late I've had the sensation I'm just kind of drifting from one day to the next without any real "master plan". I have no idea where I'm going to be in two years - or ten years - from now; but more importantly, I'm not even sure about what direction I want to head in. I suspect there's a lesson I might learn from this state of affairs (I've always been that goal-setting, action-oriented, short-term/long-term plan architect type). There is undoubtedly value to biding one's time, and its really a gift to have the opportunity for this kind of respite. It just occurs to me that while there are a great many things I enjoy doing there is no longer any single thing/issue that I feel truly passionate about; while there are a great many people I care about and love, there isn't really anybody to whom I am "connected" in any profoundly meaningful way (I'm talking connections on a great magnitude, for example being a factor in someone's major life decisions); and while I continue to move forward towards the next thing - still positive I'm in the right place for now - I realize I've set into motion a constellation of events that will have consequences I can't entirely control.
Hmmm, I can't decide if this is true freedom and independence or if I have regressed into some kind of pitiful, lost-and-aimlessly-wandering creature! (*´ο`*)
Thankfully, things in every day life seem to be going extremely well. My Japanese study progresses (however, to what degree of success remains inconclusive) and this week I even started studying Russian too (I'm using a book I purchased in Singapore). Also, I've been practicing boxing with a friend from Misaki Town (my arms really hurt and I'm convinced my feet are made of lead).
But the most exciting thing I've got going on is this: K, Andy, Rae and I are heading to Osaka (I leave tomorrow) for a long weekend of...whatever fate throws at us. And Thursday Andy and I will see the Nine Inch Nails concert.
Thats right, me and the gals, Nine Inch Nails, Osaka night-life...what more can I ask for?
I'll keep you posted!
posted by Angie @ 8:56 PM
2 comments
